Catholic Guilt

For as long as I can remember, Holy Week has always been a chance for our family to get away from the hassles of everyday life and just relax. We spend Holy Week at home in Manila, in my hometown of Bacolod City, or my parents’ hometown of Roxas City where we usually just stay home during the day and do the Visita Iglesia at night. We almost never spend our Holy Week out-of-town. Though there have been a couple of times when we did go out-of-town like five years ago, at the height of the SARS scare, when we spent the Holy Week in Subic and the following year when we went on a trip to Bohol.

This year, my parents and I will spend the Holy Week in Boracay. Yes, Boracay. I really ought to feel guilty now because all I can think of are the food, the parties and the booze when I should really be reflecting on my spirituality, which I must admit has waned in the last few years.

 

Roadtrips, Laughtrips

My parents and I are taking advantage of the long weekend by going on a trip to Baguio. Actually, we planned on going Baguio last December but we had to cancel because we had to be home in Bacolod by the weekend before Christmas. We’ll be leaving at midnight like we always do to avoid the traffic and it would be a good opportunity to catch up on lost sleep which I must admit has been quite a problem with this week being Hell Week and all. The trip would also be a good opportunity for us to kiss and make up after that rather touchy episode earlier this month. I always seem to get that warm fuzzy feeling when word wars and cold shoulders make way for intelligent conversations and family bonding.

 

Being Alive

I got a surprise in my email from the Boy. We haven’t been in touch since late last year so it was a shock to see a message from him on my mailbox. Well, I guess he woke up this morning feeling a bit sentimental because part of the message was the lyrics to Being Alive which also happens to be his favorite song.

Someone to need you too much,
Someone to know you too well,
Someone to pull you up short
And put you through hell.

Someone you have to let in,
Someone whose feelings you spare,
Someone who, like it or not,
Will want you to share
A little, a lot.

Someone to crowd you with love,
Someone to force you to care,
Someone to make you come through,
Who’ll always be there,
As frightened as you
Of being alive.

Make me confused,
Mock me with praise,
Let me be used,
Vary my days.
But alone is alone, not alive.

Somebody, crowd me with love,
Somebody, force me to care,
Somebody, make me come through,
I’ll always be there,
As frightened as you,
To help us survive
Being alive.

 

Hot. Awesome. Win.

Hugh Jackman is just awesome.

Seriously, the guy is made of win. Lots of it.

More Hugh Jackman awesomeness after the cut.

 

Meme Time

Oops, I was tagged.

5 Things Found in my Bag

1. Moleskine
2. Pens
3. Cellphone
4. Wallet
5. Cologne

5 Things Found in my Wallet

1. School ID
2. Money
3. Pocket calendar
4. Emergency CC
5. LRT card

5 Things Found in my Room

1. Laptop
2. PC
3. TV
4. Xbox 360
5. Aircon

5 Things I’ve Always Wanted To Do

1. Give my nephew a better future
2. Spend New Year’s Eve in Times Square
3. Dive at the Great Barrier Reef
4. Watch Rafa Nadal on Court Central at Roland Garros
5. Go to Monte Carlo during Grand Prix weekend

5 Things I’m Currently Into

1. Studying
2. Console gaming
3. Tennis
4. Digital photography
5. My nephew

 

Life Goes On

For the last five years, I’ve been running away from the past. But while I can run and run for as long as I want to, I know that I can never hide from my demons. Years of running away and refusing to look back has made me cynical and apathetic to life and the world in general. I would often think about how I can come to terms with the past, reconcile with the people I have chosen to alienate myself from and move on with life but putting those thoughts into action is difficult. The last month of 2007 however, gave me a chance to put the ghosts of the past to rest.

My performance in school made me realize that I - and some members of my extended family - have underestimated my potential. Getting really good grades last term was definitely a high for me. It gave me a rush that I haven’t felt in years. I’m may not be the smartest tool in the shed, but that doesn’t mean I’m bobo. Somehow I feel that I have to keep on proving myself to my family again and again after what happened in 2003. It sucks feeling worthless especially when it’s your family who thinks that way. I really worked hard for the excellent grades that I got last term, and I intend to get the same grades this term.

Shit. I hate feeling this way. I hate feeling sentimental. I want to be happy. I want to feel happy. Is happiness really that hard to find? It does seem like it.

 

Thoughts

Yesterday was perhaps the most surreal day of the year. Ever. My insomnia kicked in and so I ended up sleeping at sunrise again. It was way past noon when I woke up and I had this weird feeling the whole afternoon. Then I remembered that course card distribution for two of my subjects are scheduled that night. No wonder I was feeling anxious the whole day. So I went to school, expecting to have decent grades at the very least. It turned out that I got more than decent grades for those two subjects. More than decent as in I got 4.0 in both subjects! So I guess I wasn’t feeling anxious-nervous, it was more anxious-excited. Last week was the best week of the year thus far. Hopefully the week’s good luck carries over to next week. I’m definitely keeping my fingers crossed.

 

Looking Back at 2007

The end of the year is fast approaching and so I decided to do the year-end meme again. I’m doing it a little earlier than usual this year because I won’t be online during the Holiday break.

 

Bull’s Eye!

I’m not sure about the art thing but the other things are so me. Really.

Your Expression Number is 3

A natural performer, your destiny lies in writing, speaking, acting, or teaching. Imaginative and unique, you have a natural creative talent in the arts. You’re also a natural salesperson. You can easily sell your ideas and yourself. A total optimist, you are enthusiastic about life and living. You are friendly and social - and people are taken by your charm. Your role in life is to inspire, motivate, and raise others’ spirits. At times, you can seem a bit superficial. Sometimes you’re a bit unfocused and too easygoing. You’re best off when you don’t dwell on trivial matters, especially gossip.

What’s Your Expression Number?

 

Sanity Check

To be blogging twice in three days means I have too much time in my hands which is odd considering the insane number of deadlines I have to beat next week. Hopefully after my paper defense on Wednesday I can relax a bit before hitting the books again for our finals. Hopefully.

It’s funny how fast things go back to normal in this country. Just three days ago, an anti-government senator seized a five-star hotel in the country’s business district and called upon the masses to join him in overthrowing the corrupt establishment. Now everything seems to have returned to normal again. The business district is back in business and the calls for a change of the government still remain. Now where will this lead our beloved country? Is it enough that a government be overthrown in order for corruption to be rooted out? To me it is not enough. The government is not corrupt, it is the people in the government who are. No matter who you put in the seat of power, personal interest will remain his or her top priority. Corruption will still be there, and it will never end. It is a vicious cycle that I have sadly been immune to. Some may say I’m apathetic, other may say I’m indifferent. I don’t think I am and I don’t think I ever will be. It’s just that no matter how much I moan and groan about the state of the country I live in, I know that change won’t happen overnight. I do pray that change will take place and I pray that it will take place sooner rather than later.